During summer session this year I received the sad news that one of my student’s mothers was diagnosed with cancer. It was found during a routine check-up and she then began aggressive treatment to stop its progress. It was devastating. I have had her son in my class for 3 years now and have become very fond of the entire family.
I made sure to do what I could to be supportive; offering help, sending prayers or trying to relieve whatever stress that I could on this overwhelmed family. But it didn’t seem to be enough.
While I was doing my best to help the family, I realized I might have been overlooking their son. He is a 17-year-old with autism and I began to see his behavior change. During our routine morning circle time, we sing a song that ends with “and how are you today?”. The boys are then given a choice board with nine different emotion pictures to choose from. This normally happy young man, who almost always chooses “happy” or “excited,” began to point to “worried” on a daily basis. He also seemed more anxious than usual.
It was then that I realized that he was able to understand, on his own level, that something had changed in his family. So, with the help of our program social worker, I decided to do something to make this experience something that we could all learn from.
It started with a "social story" that included text and pictures, written at a very basic level, about what it means to be sick. The story included the concepts that people who are sick may have pain, may need to rest or may just act differently than usual. It talked about how the student’s mom was sick and that we could help by thinking good thoughts, offering to help or buy buying a gift to show her that we’re thinking of her. This story was read to the students during their social work group.
The story also included that we would be taking a trip to the Dollar Store where each child would be able to pick out one gift of their choice for their friend’s mom. Later that day we went to the store and let the boys “loose.” I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would they pick something for themselves? Would they even understand that they were looking for something for someone else? I was amazed. The gifts ranged from a jeweled tiara and necklace set, to a pink slinky. One student even picked out a bag of his favorite snack, Flaming Hot Cheetos, and was reminded that they were not for him and he would not be able to eat them. He was then asked again, “what do you think your friend’s mom would like?”. He looked at me like I was daft, and replied, “FLAMING HOT CHEETOS!” very emphatically.
I decided the trip was a success. The gifts were all labeled from each child and arranged in a gift basket with a card signed by the staff and students. It went home on the bus that day and I hoped it would bring some joy during a hard time. The mother called the following day, thoroughly pleased with each gift, and even knew who the Cheetos were from without reading the tag!
We did all learn from this experience. The boys showed that they could feel for others, grasping empathy on their own level. I learned that just when I thought I knew these wonderful set of young men, I really didn’t. They surprise and inspire me everyday. It’s in these moments that I truly see the hands of God upon each of them.
Once again, we see how people with disabilities, in grasping the simplicity but enormity of empathy and basic felt needs, are teaching us and blessing us, just as they touched this special Elim teacher.
I can only smile as I think about how this mom will open her basket and wonder "Why flaming hot cheetos?"
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